Christmas 2011

This year we had our First Christmas as a Family of 3! Even though Zoey slept through most of her first Christmas, it was so nice to be home together just the 3 of us! We got dressed up cute for Christmas Eve and went over to Ryan's Parents house for the afternoon to hang out and then eat a nice ham dinner. Christmas Morning we slept in a little bit and then opened up presents. Zoey was so spoiled this year and had tons of presents for her first Christmas! We love her so much!

                                   She looks so peaceful when she sleeps! Such a good little girl!

 Look at all of those presents! She slept the whole time that I opened her presents for her. She got tons of cute clothes, stuffed animals and even her first KU outfit! YEAH! Rockchalk Jayhawk KU!

Life with a Premie Newborn

 Well, even though right now I should be huge and have our little one still in my tummy, I'm very happy to have her here with us! I love this little girl so much! They say you have this unbelievable love for your children that you can't describe, you just have to experience and I so understand that now. Ryan and I would do anything for our Zoey Marie!

   Daddy and his 2 babies! Franklyn is so protective of her and every time she cries he runs right up to her and sniffs and licks her, like "it's okaye Zoey". It's too cute! He does have his moments where he is jealous, like when she eats and he wants to be petted too while you are feeding her and he will try and lay on her to get your attention.  
    We have been back home for about a week now and are trying to get a routine down. She had a strict routine in NICU and we have tried to stick to that but, she has had some other plans, so we have had to adjust to her and what she wants. We try to feed her about every 4 hours, but there are times when she is screaming at us that she wants her food NOW! Ryan and I have really lucked out in having such a great baby. For the most part she really only cries when you try to change her diaper and she's hungry. That little girl HATES to be naked and her Daddy says good, she can stay that way. LOL  We have tried to soak up as much hugs and kisses as we possibly can because for the first 3 weeks of her life we couldn't really do all of that with her hooked up to so many machines and it's just not the same as when you are home on your own couch cuddling with your girl. We've only had 1 night so far where she only wanted to be held the whole night and cried every time she was put into her bed. I think that sometimes it's just too quite for her at night because she is used to the NICU where there was constantly some noise with machines alarming at you or other babies crying.
  I don't know what I expected as at stay at home mom during my maternity leave, but I feel like I can't seem to have enough energy to get everything done. Sleepless nights, all hours of the night feedings, dirty diapers, I expected all of those. I guess I do have to realize that not only did I have a preemie baby 7 weeks early via c-section, but I also had pregnancy heart failure which most women don't have the added stress of and the added loss of energy that comes with heart failure. I guess I just feel like since I'm home and only working at couple hours twice a week that I should be able to take care of Zoey, keep up with the crazy amounts of laundry, dishes, cooking dinner every night and normal house work and get it all done. But what I'm finding out is that isn't the case at all! I'm doing good just taking care of Zoey and keeping up with the laundry for her and us to make sure we all have what we need to wear when we need it and my energy level is shot. I know that right now my primary concern is taking care of Zoey and I should be happy as long is she is taking care of, but its hard not to want to do it all, as crazy as that sounds. I know that in time I'll get everything done and get a routine that works well for all 3 of us, but until then it's all just a learning process.

                                  My favorite outfit of hers! She's such a hoot in her Owl outfit! LOL

Her first bath at home and she hated it just like I knew she would because she was naked. Oh well, she has to get clean some time.

I do have a dumb Mom moment for you. Yesterday I took Miss Zoey to work with me while I made some insurance phone calls for a couple hours. It was time for her bottle and I went to make her bottle and measured her formula in her bottle. I shook it up and went to put the nipple on the top and realized that Mom had FORGOT to pack a nipple in her diaper bag!!! Way to go idiot Mom and oh Zoey let Mom know I was an idiot the whole way home. Like I said, I'm still learning! LOL

Update

Well, as of tomorrow I have been in the hospital for 2 weeks! Yuck! I'm so ready to get out of here. I am still a little bit weak, but I can now walk up and down the walls and down to see Zoey without having to have Ryan wheel me around in a wheelchair. We are planning on me getting out of the hospital tomorrow am!!!!!! I'm praying that is true. I've been taking so much medicine for my blood pressure and for my heart and they have been giving it to me all in the mornings and the last 3 days its made me feel so sick afterwards. They finally today decided to change it so that I don't take all of my meds all at once and we figured out the medicine that's making feel so sick and hoping to change meds so that it doesnt make me sick any more. The cardiologist has decided that I will have to wear a heart monitor vest thing for a little while that will shock my heart if the need arises. I'm not really looking forward to that one at all, but it sure beats the alternative. I've got a beautiful baby girl that needs her Mommy AND Daddy!
 Zoey has apparently decided that she too is ready to leave the hospital!!!! In just 12 short hours since we saw her last night she has gotten rid of her IV, gotten her feedings up from 20mL to 24mL, learned to suck on her pacifer and get upset when she looses it out of her mouth, and today they are going to start bottle feeding her. It is so exciting to see her doing so awesome!!!! The only other criteria that she needs in order to move down to the next level is keep tolerating her feedings, and get off of the billy light for her skin jaudice, and gain another pound. She can do it and her nurse today is saying that it looks positive to happen in the next couple of days. We are hoping so! We are all 3 so waiting and praying that we can all go home soon, okaye make that 4 because I know that Franklyn wants us home too. He has only seen me once in the last 2 weeks and that was only for a min. when I got to get wheeled down to the lobby in the wheelchair just to say hi. I know he feels like we have forgot about him since he is staying with some friends of ours, but he will soon know we didnt leave him and we will all be together as a family soon!!!!

Our First Family Thanksgiving 2011

Thanksgiving this year we were suppose to be in Kansas City visiting family, eat too much and Zoey still all nice and cozy in my tummy. God had other plans for us. Instead Zoey was here in the hospital in NICU, I was in the hospital recovering from heart failure and Ryan was on his way back to Little Rock after having to go back home to tie up some loose ends. Our first family Thanksgiving turned out exactly how Ryan and I would have wanted it, we just didnt know that until it happen. Ryan got to the hospital at about 4pm and we went downstairs to the NICU so we could spend time as a family. When we got there she was finally put in some clothes and looked so adorable in a cute little elephant outfit.

So looks just co much bigger in clothes and even more adorable! We got there and Ryan was able to change her diaper for the first time and lucky for him it was a dirty one. He didnt care, he was just happy to be able to start being a dad. It was a great Thanksgiving Day present!

 Ryan changing Zoey for the first time. She was very squirmmy and made Dad get her outfit all messy. It's not so easy change a premie that is hooked to all kinds of wires, but he did really well. Then it was time for my Thanksgiving Present..........

 I got to hold my baby girl for the first time in my arms on Thanksgiving! Talk about being in heaven!

She is our everything and she's only been her for a week and we haven't even really gotten to be her parents yet! While we were there, she had her eyes open almost the entire time.Its like she needed it as much as we did to have that time together as a family for Thanksgiving.

 We just can't get over how cute the pandas are on her. Our little Panda Bear :)

Look at those pretty eyes. The first time we really got to see her with them open for longer than a couple of seconds. If you were to tell Ryan and I that for Thanksgiving we would have the best time ever and it would be all because of a some amount of time that we were just us, our family of 3. We still need to get a family picture as we have yet to be able to get one. Hopefully it will happen soon.

The Unexpected

It has been a crazy roller coaster for our family in the last 2 weeks! Ryan, Zoey, and I have been through unexpected hospital stays, an ambulance ride to Little Rock, Zoey's grand entrance, ICU and NICU visits and heart failure all in the last 2 weeks. The craziness all started on Monday November 14th when I woke up with what I thought was cyst pains, thinking it had burst or something was wrong with it. Ryan went to work and by about 5:30am I was in tears because the pain was that bad. When he got home at 6am when headed to my Dr.'s office to get it all checked out. They ended up sending us to the hospital because my feet were swelling worse, and I had other symptoms that were signs of preclampsia. We got admitted to Labor and Deliver and had lab work done and Dr. ordered a 24 hr urine test because my first test came back crazy high with protein and my blood pressure was crazy high. I pretty much hard core failed the 24hr test big time and the decision was made to transfer me and Zoey to Baptist Health in Little Rock by ambulance because she would most likely have to be delivered and Harrison didnt have a NICU for her. The Dr. in Little Rock did an ultrasound and checked her out and she was doing great. Just her Momma was getting very very sick and fast. We decided to do another 24 hr urine test to test my kidney and liver functions and took steroids incase Baby Girl did come and her lungs would be stronger. But all we could do is wait and give her another day in my tummy. After the 2nd failed test, we decided that Zoey had to come out and booked a c-section Thursday morning at 11:30am. ZOEY MARIE KAYE made her appearance into this world on November 17th, 2011 at 12:10pm weighing 3 lbs. 15oz.

Ryan watched the whole c-section and removal of my cyst and left ovary. I was so surprised on how calm he was and how he watched everything happen. I was told that I might have to be on magnesium sulfate for my blood pressure and as long as I was on that I couldn't go and see Zoey. Ryan had to bring me back pictures see I could see how pretty our little girl was. My worse fear since I found out I had a cyst that would have to come out was that I'd have to have her by c-section and then not get to see her for a day or days. Well, that's exactly what happen!!!! I couldnt see my baby girl for 2 days in person. Talk about something hard for a new momma, knowing you gave birth to a beautiful little girl and not getting to even see her. The first 2 nights I just sat up in the middle of the night just staring at my computer with the pictures I had of her.

These were the first pics I got of my baby girl and starred at for hours. Finally at 4:30pm on Friday, 1 day after she was born I got to see her face to face. She looked so perfect, even with tubes on her. I could finally rest that night knowing she was in good care and just getting to see her. Luckily, her Daddy kept a close eye on her while I couldn't. She also had other family members there to watch her and tell her how pretty she is. Spoiled already, yes she very much is!!!!! Ryan left to go back to Mountain Home on Saturday afternoon in order to get some clothes and stuff for us since we were now going to be living in Little Rock for atleast a month with our baby girl in the NICU. She came out pretty healthy for being 7 weeks early. She has had to go on a ventilator the day after she was born, but came right ofIf of that 2 days later. Her lungs were just still so not matured. By Saturday night I was feeling really very well and even got up and took a shower and just hung out with my Dad and Kelly and were able to just relax. At 2am I got up to pump for Zoey and I had a really heavy feeling on my chest. I thought it was just my milk coming in and that it was normal. I decided that I just couldnt pump at that time and would do so in the AM. I told my nurse and decided to go back to sleep. At about 3pm I had a hard time breathing and my nurse put me in some oxygen, but again I tried to go back to sleep. At about 4:30am when the nurse came to check on me I went to the bathroom and came back to bed and couldnt breathe at all. The nurse was there and called the Dr. and that's when all hell broke loose. I seriously thought I was going to die in that room. My chest hurt, I couldn't breathe and by now the oxygen mask was the only way I was able to breathe at all. Nurses, and Drs came in, an xray machine was rolled into  my room and I was terrified to be left be myself. My nurse called my dad who was in town still in a hotel, so I had someone there with me. Ryan was 3 hrs away and knew he couldnt be there and needed to not be alone and knew how freaked out he was going to be since he was 3 hrs away from me. My dad came up to the hospital and finally I felt a little more calm, still worried how everything was going to turn out. Being 26 years old and not being able to breathe was the worst thing I've ever felt in my entire live. Knowing my husband was 3 hrs away and my baby girl was downstairs fighting for her own life and I was helpless. Ryan rushed to Little Rock as soon as he could and ended up getting a state trooper police escort to Little Rock from Mountain Home. Seeing his face as soon as I could was both the best and worst feeling that day. I was so happy to see him, but I also knew it was killing him, because now his wife was in the ICU and his daughter in the NICU and there was nothing he could do for either of us. We found out that I had basically congestive heart failure and fluid on my lungs!!! At 26 years old I had pregnancy related heart failure! It came out if no where, I had no previous symptoms or heart problems my entire life. But as soon as they figured out what it was and I started getting heart medicine, the extreme high blood pressure that I've had all week, went down. I was in the ICU for just over 24 hrs before being transferred back to another normal room.
Ryan has been the most amazing husband through all of this. He has taken care of me in every way possible. He has been a better nurse to me then any other nurse at the hospital, nothing has been too much for him to handle to take care of his wife and he has been the one to talk the nurses into taken me to see Zoey every chance that he can. I absolutely couldnt have asked for a better husband through all of this. He has paid attention and knows exactly what mine and Zoey's stats and number are and what they mean. He has known what was going on with me and Zoey and its been nice still I havent been in the state of mind to do so.
 Zoey has being great, she got off of the ventilitor that she was put on for a couple of days. She got moved to a better bed and got moved to the step down unit in the NICU yesterday. She is handling her feedings really good and they keep moving her up in feedings every day. This adventure has put Ryan and I through a lot and we have come out with a stronger relationship and marriage because of all of it. We definately are looking at life a whole like differently than we both did 2 weeks ago.

31 weeks/ 32 weeks

These are my feet and cankles today. I'm 31 weeks in this picture and this last week I feel like my body is falling apart! I first noticed these lovely things last Wednesday when I went to take off my socks to get into the bathtub and I couldn't believe my eyes. I've been tall and thin all my life. Yes I know, hate me all you want! So to see this was quite a shock and I still have 2 more months to go. I think I may turn into that girl in Willy Wonka that turns into a Blueberry and has to be rolled out the door. Pretty sure now that once I reach January, Ryan will have to roll me so I can get around. I had another Dr's appt for my cyst last week and yes it's getting bigger and so is the baby, so as you can imagine there is becoming less and less room in my belly for both of them. I had another ultrasound because my cyst was finally causing me problems, and we found out the Zoey's head is right up against the cyst and she is bouncing her head off of it like a bouncy ball. She is not liking having to share her space with something else and momma isn't liking the pain it's causing me from every time she hits the cyst with her head. The Dr. went ahead and booked me for a c-section for January 3rd because of the size of the cyst and how with everything dropping at the end, it won't be possible to have a natural birth. I'm kinda bummed because I was really wanting to have her naturally but after talking about the risks and what's best for Zoey is the c-section so that's what we are going to do. We've been trying to do what's best for her especially with this cyst getting bigger, because most Dr's would have already done surgery and taken the cyst out but we want to wait until she's a bit bigger because he'd have to take her out too. So for the next few weeks I will just be living with a heating pad to help me with the pain.
 I've now hit the 32 week mark and along with it stretch marks have finally appeared. :(  I asked Ryan this afternoon if we could take down the mirror in the bathroom and he told me no. I have decided that I've gotten to the point where just looking in the mirror just depresses me. From my face swelling up in the mornings, to my new found stretch marks, and my belly button that if I was a turkey, I'd let you know that I was done! LOL All the not so fun 3rd trimester things have hit. The only thing getting through it is knowing that in only 7 WEEKS we will have our little girl here and I can look back and laugh at all of this. Right now, not so much. I'm definately ready for Thanksgiving and hope the next 2 weeks go by fast! Ryan, Franklyn and I will be traveling to Kansas City to see the family for Thanksgiving and I can't wait! We haven't been to KC in just about a year and we haven't been there for Thanksgiving for about 5 years! Crazy, I know. We usually go home for Christmas, but with Zoey's arrival so close to Christmas we are going to go for Thanksgiving instead. Right now a holiday where all you do is eat, is like a pregnant woman's dream! Yes, I don't know if I'm more excited about the food or the family time. Well, I've been to depressed lately with getting fat all over to take a pic of me so I'll wait til Thanksgiving to get a pic of me and my growing belly!

28 weeks

A lot has happen in the last couple of weeks so let'see if I can catch everyone up. First, Ryan turned 27 on September 24th and we spent the afternoon fishing. He got me a pink fishing pole, like I wanted, way back in May and haven't had the chance to try it out. That and well, with having such bad morning sickness, the thought of getting on a boat to do anything took some time before my tummy could handle it.

Here is my first fishing experience and I'd have to say I pick it up pretty well. It actually was fun and you can't see it in the picture too well but I had a pink lure to match.:) Yes, I love pink! And surprisingly the baby's room isn't pink. I'm 25 weeks in this picture so I say it was Zoey's first fishing trip too.

 This week, on Tuesday I had another ultrasound to check on my cyst that's growing bigger than anyone would like it to. It was nice to see our baby girl again and see just how big she is getting these days. She had her feet up by her face, but we got to see her face a little bit better this time. I think from the pictures that she has her Daddy's mouth. Also, getting bigger we found out is the cyst that I have growing on my left ovary. The Dr. found it at 7 weeks but it wasn't that big and hoping it would just go away on it's own, but at my 20 week ultrasound we found out that it had reached 7cm so Dr ordered another ultrasound this week. At this one it measured 10.23cm! It is seriously bigger than her head! Not exactly what we wanted to hear, since he said before if it gets to 10cm it will most likely have to come out. We went back on Thursday to find out what the Dr. wanted to do. We all decided to wait another month and then check it again and go from there. If he does surgery to take it out there is a good chance that I could go into preterm labor so we are trying to wait as long as possible so that our baby girl has more time to grow before she makes her entrance into this world! I do still have a chance of losing my ovary with the cyst being so big and might have to have a c-section to deliver Zoey when the time comes. I know that God has a plan for us and this baby girl and know that know she is suppose to be here she will and it will happen the way he decides. So we are trying to think positive and pray that she stays in there and no surgery for Momma until at least Dec.

 On to some better news this week, my 1st baby shower was this weekend! So my mom and youngest sister came in town from Kansas City and my childhood best friend and her parents and little girl came in town from Memphis, Tn. It was so nice that they all could come in town and celebrate my baby girl and get her room together. It was such a great shower and I actually had people show up! If you've known me for awhile you would know that I have a hard time with my parties and people showing up. Ryan says since the party was actually for Zoey that's why people showed up. But whatever the reason I don't care I had a great time! She got some great stuff to get her room started and looking more like a baby's room instead of a room with baby stuff in the corner piling up. I actually feel like I could bring her home now, except for the whole I want her to be full term before that happens.

                                                     My Super Cute Baby Shower Cake!

                                                                   Proud Parents To-Be
I'm so happy my husband ended up staying at my shower! He came up to check out my mom's tire and ended seeing that there were cute babies there that he just had to hold and play with and so he stayed and played! He is going to be such a good Daddy!!! I'm surprised he didn't end up stealing one of the babies he was holding and playing with. They were all girls, so he was getting plenty of practice for his own Baby Girl.

 It's hard to believe that she is going to be that small to fit into those tiny clothes, but she will sure look cute.

 The awesome diaper cake that my mother in law made for me. I'm so lucky to have such a creative MIL! She made this along with booties, mittens, hat and a sweater for our little princess. It all looks so cute!

          The bookcase that my grandpa made for me and has been saving to hand down to my little girl.

 It's starting to look more and more like a baby room and will be all ready for when she's ready to meet us.

It was a great shower and a great weekend with family and friends. After the shower we got to go to dinner with my childhood best friend and her parents and catch up. It was like we've never been apart. She did offer Ryan and I some advice that she has learned with her own little girl who is 2 years old now and a complete ham. I've learned that it's very nice to have friends that have recently had babies and can give me some great advice and tips on what really works and what doesn't.