That's the best way that I can explain how I'm feeling today. Today, January 3rd, was suppose to be the day that my c-section was scheduled for Zoey to make her entrance into this world. Seven weeks ago, that all changed when I woke up at 3am on November 14th with severe pains thinking that my cyst had burst. Ryan and I headed to my Dr.'s office at 6am thinking I was just overreacting and that everything was going to be just fine. From then til December 8th our world was turned inside out and it all become a huge blur. November 17th was a great day because Zoey Marie Kaye came into this world and it just happens to be World Prematurity Day. Talk about irony on that one! After everything that we went through in Little Rock for the next month and finding out that Zoey will be the only child I will ever be able to have due to my heart not be able to handle another pregnancy, today has been hard for me. Realizing that I will never be able to experience a full 9 month pregnancy, I will never get to know what's it's like to be 8 or 9 months, and never be able to go through a normal delivery or c-section without all of the problems or a quick hospital stay and then getting to take our baby home right away like most people. I love my Zoey Marie so much and have loved being her Mom for the last few weeks, but I can't help but feel robbed today on the day she was suppose to be here. I have a friend who due at the end of the month and we have been able to relate to each other through our pregnancies because we were 3 weeks apart, but for the last month I can't relate to her. I have no idea what she is feeling or going through.
I know that everything happens for a reason and for some reason Zoey was meant to come into our lives the day that she did, the way that she did and the time in our lives that she did. I also know that it's normal to be kinda sad today, so I will embrace these feelings and let myself go through the emotions and tomorrow will be a different day and I will focus on my little girl and being a good mother to her, the best that I can. After all who can resist this cute little face?
She is my everything and has totally stolen my heart in just the 7 short weeks she has been here with us! :)
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